Handling Marital Crisis

Marriage is a covenant relationship between male and female spouses. The covenant nature of marriage provides strong foundation and secured framework for spouses:
Commitment to each other:
Covenant defines the mutual responsibilities of husband and wife in nurturing and protecting their marriage. The couples are to work hard to reach the level of relationship which protects the marriage from internal and external negative forces. The nature of these forces may be defined as a product of social marital crisis and human egocentric behaviour. The fact that; marriages are constantly under the impacts of these forces, It is inevitable that every couples faces the dynamics of marriage crisis typically occurs when an unusual amount of stress or unresolved conflict causes the level of anxiety to become too intense for the couples to manage. As a result of anger, resentment, dissatisfaction, frustration and hopelessness take control of the relationship. The couples typically continue the negative interaction or disengage completely from one another, and the relationship shuts down. I call this the boiling point or marital meltdown.
Crisis in marriage can threaten to tear apart the very fabric of the relationship, when a marriage is in crisis; emergency tactics are needed to save it. It is not a time to look the other way and think that things will get better on its own. Many marriages that died could have been saved if only heroic action had been implemented. The best thing that a couple can do for their marriage when problems begin to negatively over –shadow the good in the relationship is to look for the help they need to remedy the situation as quickly as possible. The more time problems occur the greater the damage, if things progress to the point of threatening the life of the marital-union, special treatment is required
SO WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOUR OWN MARRIAGE HITS THE CRISIS STAGE?
Before I go into the guidelines, though; I want to encourage you NOT to put your energy into giving up on your marriage at this point. If this is something you are contemplating. Sometimes one or both spouses will be tempted to give in and give up because the marital divide separating them look too impossible to bridge.
I have to say that it’s true that a lot of situation can look hopeless and beyond repair even though they aren’t from God’s perspective. Keep in mind that God “is able to do immeasurable more than all we could ask or imagine, according to His powers that is at work within us”.
Please don’t limit that which he can do to help you; even the impossible can be very possible. First take away the D (divorce) word and image out of your head. Throwing it out as many times as it appears at this point, if not it will drain you off the energy you need to put forth to save your marriage.
The enemy of our faith can be relentless in trying to tempt you to give up and surrender instead of finding a way to turn things around in a good direction. Don’t give in to the temptation!
Take yourself to the best emergency room available and immediately as you can. Just as you rush a bleeding patient to an emergency ward to attend to him, do same to your bleeding marriage situations. Don’t involve anyone outside the marriage that cannot help it to survive and eventually recover. Bring your problems “IN HOUSE” in other words don’t work to stabilize your marriage at location where others who shouldn’t be involved can enter in to cause more harm. Take it into privacy of your home, your room or a counsellor’s office (one who is a pro-marriage).
– Make sure your emergency mind-set is fixed upon working towards repairing the marriage problems rather than escaping and finding another way of dealing with that which is playing your relationship.
– Don’t bring other family members or friends in to help unless you both agree. It isn’t productive to have others choosing “sides” pitting you against each other.
– Be honest with yourselves as to whether your marriage heals without additional help, sometimes it is best to lower pride for a season to obtain the help of a few people, than it is to keep things out into the public.
– Don’t involve your children; they don’t need to be involved when you are in “crisis mode”, it can be harmful for them to see and listen to all the gory details of what’s going on, and it can complicate that which you need to do to get your marriage breathing again.
– If it is someone outside the family that is complicating matter, stay away from them especially during this time and perhaps forever, when it is appropriate.
– If there is an affair, partner involved or a “friend” that a spouse feels threatened by, within the relationship, cut all ties.
– If a family member is causing problems, the related spouse should be the one to diplomatically ask the family member to back away so you can work on stabilising your marriage.
Communication: In any marriage the ability to communicate with your partner at ease is the key for its success. Oftentimes, poor communication can result in unnecessary arguments that can escalate troubles and lead to a troubled marriage or divorce. The flow of communication in marriage helps couples to solve issues in marriage.
Sex: Lack of sexual self-awareness and education worsens relationship in marriage, sex is one of the last thing you should give up on during crisis, it bring couple closer together. It releases hormones that that help our bodies both physically and mentally. It also keeps the chemistry of couples healthy. Learn what truly turns you and your partner on by each of you coming up with a personal sex list.
Honesty: be honest with yourselves when in the midst of arguments, your comments should be geared towards resolving the conflict and not looking for payback. If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it’s best to take a deep breath and change your strategy. Some other things you can do to solve crisis in your marriage include:
– Do things you use to do when you were first dating, show appreciation, complement each other, remain in contact and show interest with one another all day.
– Plan night dates: Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would do for any important event in your life.
– Respect one another: Say “thank you” and I appreciate; it makes your partner know that he/she matters
– Trust: trust is a key part of a relationship. Do you certain things that cause you not to trust your partner? Or do you have unresolved issues that prevent you from trusting each other? You and your partner can develop trust by following these tips:
• Be consistent
• Be on time
• Do what you say you would do
• Don’t lie- not even little white lies to each other
• Be fair even in argument
• Be sensitive to each other’s feelings
• Call when you say you will call
• Call when there is need to be home late
• Do not over re-act when things go wrong
• Do not dig up old wounds
• Respect each other’s ’boundaries’
• Do not be unnecessary jealous
• Be a good listener
Finally, be willing to work on your relationship and to truly look at what need to be done. Don’t think that things would be better with someone else. Unless you address the problems, the same lack of skill that get in the way will be there and still cause problems no matter what relationship you are in.
So if you want to keep your love life going, making your relationship a force point should not end when you say “I do”. Relationships lose their lustre; so make yours a priority. FIND IT, KEEP IT AND MAKE IT LAST. Remember you must not give up till you become a Champion.
For prayer and counselling call Pastor Rita O. Godfrey on 08034337095 or 09093217960.